What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
