Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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