Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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