Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
