Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
