just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
