I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
