3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
