omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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