her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
