help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
