Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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