hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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