My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize