she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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