if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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