You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
