Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
