i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My life is pants optional.
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