But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
