My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
