you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
