last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
