I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
