I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
