Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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