We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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