Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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