Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
