just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
