I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
