i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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