he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
