I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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