Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
