I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
