Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just googled if crying burns calories
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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