i need an iv and a liver transplant
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
