too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
