Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
