I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
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