She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize