You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
