smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
