i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
