You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
