my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
