your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
