Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
