her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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