Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
