i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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