Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize