i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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