i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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