Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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