i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a search helicopter?!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
