Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
