We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
