When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
