I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
