I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
