I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
