you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Damn victory sex feels great
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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