i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
honey bunches of taint.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
