I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
