no, he came in my armpit
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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